i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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