I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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