You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
