He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
