drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
