Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you

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(707): View more from California

its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

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(216): View more from Ohio

There were penises being pulled out everywhere.

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(229): View more from Georgia

My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

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(303): View more from Colorado

I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.

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