oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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