i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
