I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
