Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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