he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
