why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
