you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sarcasm needs its own font
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
