Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
