my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
