youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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