im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
