He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
