hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
