you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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