I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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