A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
