i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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