i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
