im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
