I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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