Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
