Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
