He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
