I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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