You don't have asthma, your pregnant
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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