i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
