We're like a lot better than the average bears
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
