Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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