ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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