You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
