Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
