onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
