goodnight i made you a song goodbye
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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