I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
