you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
