He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
