and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i believe in u and ur pee
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
