We won't sleep together?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
