I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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