My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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