The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
