i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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