some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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