I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
