Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
