Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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