so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
